From the Vok Archives: Toby’s Snare Drum

During the 1980s, I wrote a weekly article for Sound Upon Sound magazine in which I detailed methods for construction of musical instruments that I had personally invented. My archives were destroyed in 1996 (due to flooding), as were all records of the magazine’s existence, but I have managed to perfectly remember the text of one of the articles, in which I built the perfect drum. Original text follows.

Toby Vok’s Snare Drum

you will need:

• 1 x empty shoebox (you can discard or eat the shoes)
• 43 grains of rice
• a length of silver foil
• some strong tape

1. check that the box is still empty. something may have crawled inside and died. if it is not empty, empty it.
2. if any time has passed since you completed step one, check again that the box is empty.
3. fold the silver foil in half to make a “packet” or “pouch”. fold over the edges to prevent the rice from escaping.
4. pour the rice inside, being careful not to spill any.
5. if any of the rice has fallen inside the box, empty the box. ensure that it is empty.
6. tape the foil onto the underside of the lid of the shoebox, using the strong tape.
7. replace the lid, sealing the box and preventing anything from entering or dwelling within the box.
8. hit the box, over and over again, with a stick or twig.

NEXT WEEK:
Toby makes a bass drum out of a sofa and a tennis ball.

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I used this drum, this perfect drum, on my 1987 hit single “The Unbearable Smell of the Witch”, which will soon be available from the music page, once I work out how to convert my audio recordings into a computer-sensitive format.