TobEx

For several years in the mid- to late-1980s I ran a delivery company called TobEx in addition to my duties as the nation’s premier musical scientist and warlock. Thousands of packages would come through the doors of my rented warehouse, be sorted into piles and then jettisoned outwards on fleets of TobEx branded trucks.

I learned several lessons while running TobEx, which I shall recount here.

1. Truck drivers are universally rude and untrustworthy.
2. The contents hardly ever match up the excitement and promise of an unopened parcel.
3. Inviting a crew of parcel-sorters to a “team building” event at a parcel-sorting convention does not raise morale.
4. Muttered incantations are not welcome at board meetings.
5. Piping my own music into the warehouse 24 / 7 does not increase productivity; in fact, quite the opposite. I assume because everyone is too awed by the melodies.
6. All rival delivery companies are unsportsmanlike idiots.
7. There IS such a word as “undeliverable”, which somewhat undermined our advertising slogan.
8. It IS possible to kill a man with bubblewrap.
9. The sight of one million boxes can drive a man insane.
10. I am far, far better suited to the world of music.

R.I.P. TobEx, 1984 – 1989.