Author Archives: Ted

Toby Vok Reveals The Secret Secrets Behind His Successful Successes

“I got this lucky penny off a lad today in the hotel,” Toby Vok said, rolling the coin between his fingers then up and down his sleeves before it emerged from below the hem of his skirt. He picked it up and made it disappear behind his ear. “A travelling merchant and his son came […]

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several conversements: final conversement: auto

FINAL CONVERSEMENT from: Ted to: Toby Toby, Look at this [see attached image below] It is a scene from my autobriography (the extra R there is intentional, copyrighted), Tales From My Bathtub. Would you like a copy, so that you and your lawyers can ensure that you have been successfully defamed? Ted Attachments: — from: […]

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several conversements: conversement #12: blockages

Conversement #12 from: Ted to: Vok Nutritional Severices Dear Vok Nutritional Services, I have been experienceing severe t o mild abdominal pain at regular frequencies throughout the day. On close and thorough inspection, under both micro-and macro-scopic viewings, it is evident that my intestines have become clogged with a strange, thick, foul looking substance. Is […]

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several conversmentes: conversment #11: seasonalsneeze

Conversement #11 from: Terrible Phark to: Father Toby Dear Father Vok I have the following symptoms. Burst of pain above the eye. Watering of nose, running of eyes. Slower than usual turn-of-head speed. Eyes oversensitive to light, colour, shapes. Suggestive perhaps of a “cold” or CHULL. What say you, in your professional capacity as a […]

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several conversements: conversement #9: words

Conversement #9 from: Ted Vaak to: The Toby Vok Publicational Company Dear Toby, I have enclosed a partial manuscript for 1000 Words And How To Use Them, a picture book and educationist instructional tome for the pre-literate market (any age). The full manuscript (100 pages, approximately 100,000 words) is available on request. I have been […]

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several conversements: conversement #8: escape

Conversement #8: from: Terald V. Ark to: Toby Vok Dear Toby I have not yet escaped from bed, and yet it is almost midday. What would mother say, do you think? Terald V. Ark PS: My bed is approximately 78 metres by 54 metres in length, width. Fog hinders my view. At intervals of approximately […]

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several conversements: conversement #5: proposal

Conversement #5 from: the email account of Ted Vaak to: Toby Vok Dear Respected One, GREETINGS, Permit me of desire allowable, in abundance, but not over abundance, such that we could, together, become as one. I got your contact from the international sound depository. I prayed and murmured and whistle through the pages until from […]

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several conversements: conversement #4: tersement

Conversement #4 from: Ted to: Toby Toby, Ted — from: Toby to: Ted Understood TED Toby CONVERSEMENT ENDS

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several conversements: conversement #2: I hear (you hear)

Conversement #2 from: Ted to: Toby Toby, I hear everything Is this what it is like for you for your ilk I do not care for it one bit. I may request to have the wax returned Yours unbearably Ted — from: Toby to: Ted I’ve been experimenting with deafness it is beautiful the world […]

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An Interview With Toby Vok And The His Daughter

Toby Vok, in Essex to promote his new album The Boudiccan Devastational Layer, is a hero to many. But why? We sent senior correspondent Ted Vaak to investigate. Ted Vaaak: Hello Toby. How are you today? Toby Vok: Ted: Your new album is incredible, I must say. How do you create and envisage all these […]

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