A Recipe: Garlic Mushrooms With Bacon And Theremin

Toby Vok’s Garlic Mushrooms With Bacon And Theremin

You will need:

Portable Radio
Magnetic Induction hob
Frying pan
Fork, spoon or knife (steel, stainless)
Bacon
Olive Oil
Mushrooms
Garlic

First position the portable radio on the other side of the kitchen, perhaps on a shelf, or a table, if your kitchen is so equipped. Then, switch the radio to on, radio station optional, the hissing static of the dead preferable.

Next, place the pan on the Magnetic Induction Hub. Allow the coils to energise and aggravate the pan as they see fit. Wantonly pour the oil into the pan, wait until it begins to bubble, then haphazardly thrown the bacon, mushrooms and garlic in and let heat take its toll.

Finally, at your leisure, poke the contents of the pan with your knife, fork or spoon. As the utensil approaches the magnetising fields emanating from your pan, it will conduct across time and space the screechings of the dead. If your portable radio is correctly positioned, it should intercept these broadcasts and replay their haunting melodies to you, across the room, into your ear. And from there, to the heaven of your eternal mind.

Once you have heard enough of their sufferings you may remove the fork, spoon or knife, switch off the magnetoids, and commence your nightly consumement.

If you would like to read more of my exciting experiments in sound creation and cookery, you may be interested in my Snare Drum Risotto recipe, previously collected, collated, and columnised here at Toby Vok. Co. Uk.